Borne By the River (Motivation)

Sam Cooke said he was born by the river.. Well I was born in a hurry, because my mother had to be back at work. The sleepless nights of yells and high pitched screams.. The fast money life style. I once cursed the vagina that gave birth to me. I am the only child. Relationships changed her mood. I caught the back blast.. Truth is I faulted my maker for the struggle. I blamed my ADHD diagnosis on her, bad grades, trouble. Anything negative in my life. It was all her fault. In a heated arguement I swore like a slave in the South Carolina heat. I disrespected the woman that could have made me a simple 300 dollar fix..

I was young, and immature. I didn't realize. I was lucky to only get back blast from the struggle. I only recieved shrapnel wound compared to her gunshots. I didn't realize how much I was being sheltered from it all. A few hungry nights, compared to her countless. I would tell her. " Mother, we can just leave. Just me and you." She would respond "How?" I didnt realize she was a woman who left everything to gain nothing. She didnt get what she signed up for. I used to say "I will take care of us" i was 8. But, she couldn't. I resented her for no reason. Situations always look easier from the outside.

As I grew older. I realized that if i didn't want to become another statistic.. Fated to live in that hell day after day.. I had to make changes,. I had to stop blaming my mother. Some people have the gift of imagination. They can motivate themselves. I can use situations around me. Positive or negative and motivate myself. Others tend to need to see change, and see "it" work before they are. So I decided. I am going to better myself. So I did that. I foucused and I showed my mother change, and without knowing. Made her proud. I liberated her. A strong woman, birthed a strong man. A man who was forced to be a man before his time.. But did it happily.. And with a smile on his face.

Complete deviation... If any river I was born by.. Was that river of tears my mother cried. After I made my improvement. She left drama, but with leaving that drama.. Meant being completley alone. My mother made countless beds. Worked irregular hours,a nd she felt as if she wasn't doing enough for me. She felt i deserved much more. But of feelings were mutual. I felt the same. I am not doing enough. Why settle for A B average, When I can do better. Why waste this paper my mother worked her ass of for. For a b average?

It was a viscious cycle. With my constant need for improvement and at the same time separating myself from mediocracy. My mothers constant need to support this gift she can call her son. Things got better. Froom making beds to a clerk @ PMG a company that owns Chevrons.. the gas station. She has a degree in finances, too her a long time to use it. But she did. Now she is supporting her son, truly independent.

You have to truly endure hard times, you have to embrace them and let them take their tolls on you. You have to face times of darkness head on in order to enjoy and boast about your victory. I heard Martin Luther King Jr. in a speech for the 1st time wen I was in middle school. Tears came out of anywhere. Watching those marches, and seeing the abuse.. But this man, Was peaceful. He had an objective. That day MLK said to me.. "It is always darkest right before the lights come on" They were having a meeting in a church and peoples cars were being set on fire. Gunshots, but his words soothed all.

Complete deviation again. My mother says I am her hero. She is mine. I feel as if I will never be able to do anything to repay her. So until my dying day. I will work my ass off to show my mother she did a good job...